[Asher is so unused to this kind of love that he panics without knowing why.
He has craved attention of this sort for so long. The deeply entrenched desire for unconditional regard is what has propelled him forward all this time, bumbling as he is. And yet, finally, he has been touched by the hand of someone who wants nothing more than his joy and self-improvement.
Looking deep within is hard because he finds himself ugly. Jin has somehow picked up the pieces of that mirror that was broken so long ago and has held it up to reveal a reflection that is getting easier to look at, even if it still makes him cringe.]
You just wanted to hear me talk?
[Not angry, just surprised.
As if he's never quite heard something like that before.]
[He's not like this. He loathes dancing around topics and having to pick through his words. He's good at it if he needs to be: a remnant of when he was obligated to hide his true intentions, as a thief, and before that, as a boy whose heart could never truly fit the mold of what his family desired him to be. But, gods, he hates walking on eggshells, and especially now, he can't stand keeping the thoughts that whirl within his mind from being voiced loud and clear.
Maybe they've been playing this game with each other for too long.]
I knew you weren't about to lie to me about whether you were okay or not, but it feels more real to me, actually hearing you talk.
[He pauses. He finds his words, and begins again quietly.]
...I don't know what I'd have done if anything happened to you out there.
[What is affection without the price you so often have to pay for it?
The confusion from earlier only gets worse and worse as Jin continues to express himself in a way that lacks any element of derision. There's no shame or embarrassment in the way the monk clearly admits that he cares for him, that he likes to hear him talk, when Asher is so used to people expressing the complete opposite.
He is stunned into silence when he realizes the thing that he has suspected is true.
Jin and him have shared more than just a living space in the past few weeks, including saliva. They've shared warmth and intimacy, and in the process of doing so, Jin has finally let someone into his heart.
And Asher has finally gotten the thing he's wanted most of all, more than recognition, more than perfect grades, more than money-]
Please, just...
[He wants more than anything to say, "I love you."
But what if he doesn't make it? What if Jin never hears him say those words to his face?
I will. [Jin smiles, though it tears at him, those words left unsaid.] I promise. It's gonna take way more than a two-bit zombie apocalypse to kill me.
[In the background of the call, there's the sound of a faint commotion: people talking amongst themselves, a child complaining. One even calls out to Jin directly, his voice steadily growing in volume as his footsteps signal his gradual approach.]
I have to go.
["Jin, there's still running water here! Wait, who are you talking t--"]
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no subject
He has craved attention of this sort for so long. The deeply entrenched desire for unconditional regard is what has propelled him forward all this time, bumbling as he is. And yet, finally, he has been touched by the hand of someone who wants nothing more than his joy and self-improvement.
Looking deep within is hard because he finds himself ugly. Jin has somehow picked up the pieces of that mirror that was broken so long ago and has held it up to reveal a reflection that is getting easier to look at, even if it still makes him cringe.]
You just wanted to hear me talk?
[Not angry, just surprised.
As if he's never quite heard something like that before.]
no subject
When you put it that way, it sounds dumb.
[He's not like this. He loathes dancing around topics and having to pick through his words. He's good at it if he needs to be: a remnant of when he was obligated to hide his true intentions, as a thief, and before that, as a boy whose heart could never truly fit the mold of what his family desired him to be. But, gods, he hates walking on eggshells, and especially now, he can't stand keeping the thoughts that whirl within his mind from being voiced loud and clear.
Maybe they've been playing this game with each other for too long.]
I knew you weren't about to lie to me about whether you were okay or not, but it feels more real to me, actually hearing you talk.
[He pauses. He finds his words, and begins again quietly.]
...I don't know what I'd have done if anything happened to you out there.
no subject
[What is affection without the price you so often have to pay for it?
The confusion from earlier only gets worse and worse as Jin continues to express himself in a way that lacks any element of derision. There's no shame or embarrassment in the way the monk clearly admits that he cares for him, that he likes to hear him talk, when Asher is so used to people expressing the complete opposite.
He is stunned into silence when he realizes the thing that he has suspected is true.
Jin and him have shared more than just a living space in the past few weeks, including saliva. They've shared warmth and intimacy, and in the process of doing so, Jin has finally let someone into his heart.
And Asher has finally gotten the thing he's wanted most of all, more than recognition, more than perfect grades, more than money-]
Please, just...
[He wants more than anything to say, "I love you."
But what if he doesn't make it? What if Jin never hears him say those words to his face?
No, no, no. That would be too cruel.]
Stay alive, okay?
no subject
[I love you too.]
I will. [Jin smiles, though it tears at him, those words left unsaid.] I promise. It's gonna take way more than a two-bit zombie apocalypse to kill me.
[In the background of the call, there's the sound of a faint commotion: people talking amongst themselves, a child complaining. One even calls out to Jin directly, his voice steadily growing in volume as his footsteps signal his gradual approach.]
I have to go.
["Jin, there's still running water here! Wait, who are you talking t--"]
I'll see you soon, Asher.
[With that, he cuts the call.]