old fashioned isn't terrible i guess i'll take that i really didn't know what else to do though i wanted to make sure he understood he wasn't obligated in any way just because he works for me and has signed over his life to my ambition etc and then i let him have the day to himself and found a dog which is mine apparently and i was going to give him more space but he wanted to see me because he found some biscotti (which for the record is much more romantic than letters) and we talked and that's about it
[he cant even argue about that tactfulness judgment let him LIVE giogio]
you're welcome. you're clearly happier. that counts for a lot too
oh oh man but it's all clear, right? expectations and everything? you remember how weird it was when ash and i tried to do the whole "we arent actually dating but we really are" runaround.
honestly? it is. you've got a different vibe to you, in a good way. so does he.
[hell, fugo's actually TALKING to jin about THINGS-- it's sure a shift.]
it's fine not to know what you're doing Do you think I ever know what I'm doing? Haha. [DON'T 'HAHA' THAT JIN YOU SHOULD NOT DO THESE THINGS] boundaries, for one. What both of you want, what's ok and what's not ok in your relationship-- and if you want to actually GIVE it the name of 'dating'. In a nutshell.
jin, i want to tell you something. but i really want you to listen to what i'm going to say. don't answer right away. just--think about it for five minutes, please, before you respond, because this is difficult for me to say but very important for you to understand. and i'm telling you as explicitly as i can, hoping that you'll understand, because i desperately want to trust you.
okay? here goes:
before i found him, fugo had nothing to live for. he was slowing down, day by day, like a clock winding down, and someday soon he was going to stop. i'll tell you freely that i tricked him into, at least for one instant, realizing that there were people in the world who saw his worth--that i did, at least. so i have power over him, of course. if i asked him to kill himself he'd do it. he would do anything for me without a single question asked or a thought to the consequences.
it's more than that, though. he promised to be mine, "body, heart, and soul"--his words. i didn't ask him to do that. i didn't really calculate for how much of a vacuum there was in him, or that he'd make me so . . . everything. not just a reason to hang on a little while longer and try to rejoin the world, but a reason to live, period.
i really need someone to understand, jin, that the reason i've been so careful with him is because if i'm careless, i could use him so easily. he's never believed anyone could love him, but i was so afraid that if i didn't make it 100% explicit he'd think he had to reciprocate how i felt about him. because he would.
do you understand? i want to take care of him, i want to be good to him, and i've been so afraid he wouldn't tell me if i wasn't. boundaries are so much more difficult if one of the people in question doesn't think they deserve them, and it's not easy anyway. so i know you've thought i was being careful before, but--i really want you to understand. i really hope you do. it's felt so lonely, knowing nobody did.
Jin takes several minutes to read, and reread, the message in silence. Giorno’s bid for him to understand truly deserves that, and of everything he’s known of both him and Fugo, it’s well warranted.
In even his darkest moments, as hopeless as he had been, he’d always had a will and fire in his heart. Even if it were anger, or fear—even while he too could barely piece out what he was worth to the world, he’d stayed alive out of stubbornness. If the world wouldn’t take him, then, the world couldn’t have his life: a perpetual outsider, certainly, but one who refused to become another statistic of another dead boy on the streets.
Never once had he been as Fugo had, ticking delicately down, minute by minute, to one final bell.]
I understand.
[The best he can give, digesting it all, is still something Giorno should hear in this moment.]
and I think your worries are a point in your favor all their own.
[The waiting helps. It's tense, it's frightening, but it helps, too. It means that Jin's listening to him. He's doing as he was asked to, for once, when it really, really counts. And when he responds at last, Giorno lets out a sharp breath that he didn't realize he'd been holding. Relief floods through him. He was right. It was a gamble, but it paid off, trusting Kung Jin.]
[He's so tired, suddenly. Aching, hurt but happy all at once. He hates picking at old wounds when he could cover them and let them fester instead.]
thank you.
[He could say more than just thank you. He could express his gratitude honestly, with all of his loneliness sewn into every word, inextricable. But that will have to be another day. Or maybe it won't--maybe Jin already knows.]
[Does Jin already know? That, too, hurts and is a relief all at once.]
he deserves good things. i care about him so much that it hurts me. but i'm greedy, and i'm no good at this, and neither is he. he thinks he's not good enough for me, i think, which is so silly.
[. . . How many gambles in one day? How much risk? He feels reckless in this disoriented, unfamiliar relief. He pushes, one more time.]
using people is in my blood. that's the other reason i worry. it's cliche, isn't it? daddy issues.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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a letter? thats so romantic im actually a little queasy
i can tell it went WELL but what happened???
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it is?
i thought it was weird but i didn't know what else to do
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Very old fashioned, like in an old novel
A+ work, Giorno
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don't grade me, also
old fashioned isn't terrible i guess
i'll take that
i really didn't know what else to do though
i wanted to make sure he understood he wasn't obligated in any way just because he works for me and has signed over his life to my ambition etc
and then i let him have the day to himself and found a dog which is mine apparently
and i was going to give him more space but he wanted to see me because he found some biscotti
(which for the record is much more romantic than letters)
and we talked and that's about it
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It's good
you sound like you were sincere. No bullshit, thats what counts
so... youre dating and you adopted a dog together i guess?
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thank you though
i was worried about it
i guess?
we didn't really talk about the dating word
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you're welcome. you're clearly happier. that counts for a lot too
oh
oh man
but it's all clear, right? expectations and everything? you remember how weird it was when ash and i tried to do the whole "we arent actually dating but we really are" runaround.
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i think he's happier too at least. i hope so.
i think so. we've been talking a lot.
but i don't know what i'm
doing per so
what are the important things to talk about maybe i missed something???????
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[hell, fugo's actually TALKING to jin about THINGS-- it's sure a shift.]
it's fine not to know what you're doing
Do you think I ever know what I'm doing? Haha. [DON'T 'HAHA' THAT JIN YOU SHOULD NOT DO THESE THINGS] boundaries, for one. What both of you want, what's ok and what's not ok in your relationship-- and if you want to actually GIVE it the name of 'dating'. In a nutshell.
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jin, i want to tell you something. but i really want you to listen to what i'm going to say. don't answer right away. just--think about it for five minutes, please, before you respond, because this is difficult for me to say but very important for you to understand. and i'm telling you as explicitly as i can, hoping that you'll understand, because i desperately want to trust you.
okay? here goes:
before i found him, fugo had nothing to live for. he was slowing down, day by day, like a clock winding down, and someday soon he was going to stop. i'll tell you freely that i tricked him into, at least for one instant, realizing that there were people in the world who saw his worth--that i did, at least. so i have power over him, of course. if i asked him to kill himself he'd do it. he would do anything for me without a single question asked or a thought to the consequences.
it's more than that, though. he promised to be mine, "body, heart, and soul"--his words. i didn't ask him to do that. i didn't really calculate for how much of a vacuum there was in him, or that he'd make me so . . . everything. not just a reason to hang on a little while longer and try to rejoin the world, but a reason to live, period.
i really need someone to understand, jin, that the reason i've been so careful with him is because if i'm careless, i could use him so easily. he's never believed anyone could love him, but i was so afraid that if i didn't make it 100% explicit he'd think he had to reciprocate how i felt about him. because he would.
do you understand? i want to take care of him, i want to be good to him, and i've been so afraid he wouldn't tell me if i wasn't. boundaries are so much more difficult if one of the people in question doesn't think they deserve them, and it's not easy anyway. so i know you've thought i was being careful before, but--i really want you to understand. i really hope you do. it's felt so lonely, knowing nobody did.
cw alluding to homophobia ig
Jin takes several minutes to read, and reread, the message in silence. Giorno’s bid for him to understand truly deserves that, and of everything he’s known of both him and Fugo, it’s well warranted.
In even his darkest moments, as hopeless as he had been, he’d always had a will and fire in his heart. Even if it were anger, or fear—even while he too could barely piece out what he was worth to the world, he’d stayed alive out of stubbornness. If the world wouldn’t take him, then, the world couldn’t have his life: a perpetual outsider, certainly, but one who refused to become another statistic of another dead boy on the streets.
Never once had he been as Fugo had, ticking delicately down, minute by minute, to one final bell.]
I understand.
[The best he can give, digesting it all, is still something Giorno should hear in this moment.]
and I think your worries are a point in your favor all their own.
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[He's so tired, suddenly. Aching, hurt but happy all at once. He hates picking at old wounds when he could cover them and let them fester instead.]
thank you.
[He could say more than just thank you. He could express his gratitude honestly, with all of his loneliness sewn into every word, inextricable. But that will have to be another day. Or maybe it won't--maybe Jin already knows.]
[Does Jin already know? That, too, hurts and is a relief all at once.]
he deserves good things. i care about him so much that it hurts me. but i'm greedy, and i'm no good at this, and neither is he. he thinks he's not good enough for me, i think, which is so silly.
[. . . How many gambles in one day? How much risk? He feels reckless in this disoriented, unfamiliar relief. He pushes, one more time.]
using people is in my blood. that's the other reason i worry. it's cliche, isn't it? daddy issues.