[A victory is something to celebrate, but instead, Asher finds himself feeling sad.
Somehow, the majesty of an intergalactic banquet does not quite strike him, not after being present at so many others. Bittersweet should be the word he uses to describe it, although the first word that comes to mind is just bitter, because he has never been very good at saying goodbye.
ALASTAIR has been many things to him, not all entirely kind, but each and every step forward he has taken this year has truly been his own. Many others have helped him on his journey to become a somewhat less detestable human being, but he has done it without having a fit into a specific mold that has been cast for him by his father or his teachers, or society itself. It is a horrible thing to realize after twenty-five and now twenty-six years of being alive that this is the first year he has truly been loved for who he is and not what he could be or what he should be, despite all the atrocities he's committed so far.
After loitering about the table with a half-full cup in hand, he gently nudges a familiar and comfortable shoulder, slapping on a pained smile.]
What it do, homie...?
[He says it with a playful air, not realizing that the words have been uttered before, although perhaps in a very different context.]
[Even as he remains in the midst of the celebrations and merriment, Jin feels Asher's mixed feelings in the same way. It's not the first time he's had to bid friends here goodbye for good, and he knows it'll hardly ever be the last, but with the finality of both Zymandis and ALASTAIR disbanding...
Jin chuckles at Asher's words, his heart just as bittersweet.]
But we saved the world-- all the worlds, I mean-- so I guess I could be much worse.
[Jin sidesteps, moving so that he's standing directly in front of Asher. His hands, both free, rest on Asher's upper arms, sliding down to his partner's elbows.]
Hey. [There's a knowing cynicism in his eyes, a sad curve to his smile. We need to talk, he wants to say, but he'd rather not remind Asher of it directly-- he'll be reminding himself of it that way, too.] This party sucks. You wanna get out of here with me?
[Away, away from the commotion and celebration they walk, past familiar face after familiar face, until the two of them are alone, standing in an empty corridor with Asher's hand held fast in Jin's own.
Gods, if he could just keep on walking. If they could just go back to his room, fall asleep, and wake up with ALASTAIR reformed: but it's not that easy, is it? And as much as he hates to think of possibly leaving, that nagging feeling at the back of his head-- of navigating around the truth instead of facing it, at last-- won't leave.
Guess he has to deal with it after all.]
Asher. You know what we've gotta talk about, right?
You think I wanted to bring it up? [Jin retorts, exasperated. It isn't as if he wants to bring it up any more than Asher does, but if they don't figure it out at all, well--
--it's not right to leave loose ends hanging, is it?]
I'm not going home, Ash. There's too much left of ALASTAIR's work that's not finished.
[Fearless as he is, he's still afraid of one thing. Jin swallows the lump in his throat and looks Asher in the eye.]
But-- but I don't want to stop you from going wherever you need to. I can't.
[Moments like these make him frightfully aware of his own putrid selfishness, a wretched part of him that will perhaps never cease to exist, no matter how hard he may try to rid himself of it.
He is happy that this man, that this person who is good and kind and wonderful, is staying here instead of returning to his family, willing to stay by the side of a coward.]
I'm not going home.
[The word leaves a bitter taste in Asher's mouth.
Home is not the house where he grew up- Large, ostentatious, but empty. It is not the halls of Middleton, which feel crowded and full of spite, and it is definitely not the office with bodies beneath the floorboards and whispers that drive him to insanity.]
[Home is warmth and light for Jin, an Earthrealm and a place among his clan that he had fought for and earned. Jin's family waits back home; his best friend; friends he could've known better by now, if he hadn't stumbled into ALASTAIR's ranks for a year and some change. And what good is all of it if Jin's not doing what he's been born and bred for: to protect his world and the worlds of others exactly the way he is doing right now?
But his home's with Asher, too. There's a leap in his heart when Asher says he's staying, but--]
I'm-- [gods, his voice can't falter now, he's got to hold it together; if not for the sake of his own pride, then for the sake of the man he loves. As much as he wants to just agree and leave it at that, that wouldn't be fair to either of them, would it?] --Asher, no. [His hand reaches for Asher's, holding it fast.] I love you. I'm not gonna stop loving you. I don't want to lose what we have. [I don't want to lose us.]
All I wanna say is... when it's all over, please don't let me make that choice for you.
[Asher's home, on the other hand, exists in bits and pieces, no scattered all over the multiverse.
They are the friends he has made on this journey, the ones who believed in him despite knowing all the ugly things he ever did. The mean-spirited quarterback who wasn't quite built for his sport, the reporter with a terrible secret, the pirate with a spirit even more fiery than her hair, and the child who was better and brighter than any young girl her age ever should have been...
Defiantly, in a voice that is clear and grounded, as if his decision is the soundest thing he's ever spoken-]
Okay. [He sighs, the weight of all of that seeming to slide right off his shoulders.] Cool.
[JIN DON'T JUST SAY 'COOL' TO BAE POSSIBLY LEAVING HIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE TO STAY WITH YOU, YOU'RE RUINING IT]
Then I'm choosing to stick with you as long as I can. And after that if I can get the tech back home to work the way I want it. [says Jin with a crooked smile.] You okay with that?
[danni have u even read the beginning of this thread? asher called the love of his life a beeyotch]
Uh-huh.
[Asher puffs out his cheek a little, taking this opportunity to pull Jin's arm to his side before resting his face on the other's shoulder. The gesture is a childish one, ill-fitting for a man of now twenty-six, but he does it anyway.
They have discussed this once before in the comfort of one of their bedrooms. The shaolin can hop from galaxy to galaxy much like ALASTAIR has, and while there is no reason to believe that his boyfriend will not make good on his promise, Asher begins to wonder if he is worth the trek.
[The look of delight in Asher's eyes is matched only by the width of his smile, and he leans in to warmly receive that show of affection. Maybe their future isn't quite set in stone, but at the very least, they will be together for just a little while longer.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[action]
Somehow, the majesty of an intergalactic banquet does not quite strike him, not after being present at so many others. Bittersweet should be the word he uses to describe it, although the first word that comes to mind is just bitter, because he has never been very good at saying goodbye.
ALASTAIR has been many things to him, not all entirely kind, but each and every step forward he has taken this year has truly been his own. Many others have helped him on his journey to become a somewhat less detestable human being, but he has done it without having a fit into a specific mold that has been cast for him by his father or his teachers, or society itself. It is a horrible thing to realize after twenty-five and now twenty-six years of being alive that this is the first year he has truly been loved for who he is and not what he could be or what he should be, despite all the atrocities he's committed so far.
After loitering about the table with a half-full cup in hand, he gently nudges a familiar and comfortable shoulder, slapping on a pained smile.]
What it do, homie...?
[He says it with a playful air, not realizing that the words have been uttered before, although perhaps in a very different context.]
How you beeee, beyotch?
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[Even as he remains in the midst of the celebrations and merriment, Jin feels Asher's mixed feelings in the same way. It's not the first time he's had to bid friends here goodbye for good, and he knows it'll hardly ever be the last, but with the finality of both Zymandis and ALASTAIR disbanding...
Jin chuckles at Asher's words, his heart just as bittersweet.]
But we saved the world-- all the worlds, I mean-- so I guess I could be much worse.
[Jin sidesteps, moving so that he's standing directly in front of Asher. His hands, both free, rest on Asher's upper arms, sliding down to his partner's elbows.]
Hey. [There's a knowing cynicism in his eyes, a sad curve to his smile. We need to talk, he wants to say,
but he'd rather not remind Asher of it directly-- he'll be reminding himself of it that way, too.] This party sucks. You wanna get out of here with me?
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Of course he wants to get out of here with you, you of all people. If only it were so easy.
Asher's conscience remains intact, unfortunately, and however wicked his own world may be, it is where he belongs.]
Yeah.
[He reaches out to take one of Jin's gentle hands in his own, clasping it selfishly.
Is this the last time?]
Let's go.
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Gods, if he could just keep on walking. If they could just go back to his room, fall asleep, and wake up with ALASTAIR reformed: but it's not that easy, is it? And as much as he hates to think of possibly leaving, that nagging feeling at the back of his head-- of navigating around the truth instead of facing it, at last-- won't leave.
Guess he has to deal with it after all.]
Asher. You know what we've gotta talk about, right?
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One of them is strong, built to last through a fight and struggle his way to victory, and the other is a weakling.
Or at least, that is what Asher himself believes.]
Why's it gotta be me?
[Because selfishly, he thinks, the distance will hurt him more.]
Why do I have be the one to say it?
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--it's not right to leave loose ends hanging, is it?]
I'm not going home, Ash. There's too much left of ALASTAIR's work that's not finished.
[Fearless as he is, he's still afraid of one thing. Jin swallows the lump in his throat and looks Asher in the eye.]
But-- but I don't want to stop you from going wherever you need to. I can't.
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He is happy that this man, that this person who is good and kind and wonderful, is staying here instead of returning to his family, willing to stay by the side of a coward.]
I'm not going home.
[The word leaves a bitter taste in Asher's mouth.
Home is not the house where he grew up- Large, ostentatious, but empty. It is not the halls of Middleton, which feel crowded and full of spite, and it is definitely not the office with bodies beneath the floorboards and whispers that drive him to insanity.]
T-that... That place, it doesn't feel like home-
[And perhaps it never will.]
Not for me.
[Asher shakes his head weakly.]
Jin, that's you.
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But his home's with Asher, too. There's a leap in his heart when Asher says he's staying, but--]
I'm-- [gods, his voice can't falter now, he's got to hold it together; if not for the sake of his own pride, then for the sake of the man he loves. As much as he wants to just agree and leave it at that, that wouldn't be fair to either of them, would it?] --Asher, no. [His hand reaches for Asher's, holding it fast.] I love you. I'm not gonna stop loving you. I don't want to lose what we have. [I don't want to lose us.]
All I wanna say is... when it's all over, please don't let me make that choice for you.
[Jin squeezes his hand tight.]
Don't do it for me. All right?
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They are the friends he has made on this journey, the ones who believed in him despite knowing all the ugly things he ever did. The mean-spirited quarterback who wasn't quite built for his sport, the reporter with a terrible secret, the pirate with a spirit even more fiery than her hair, and the child who was better and brighter than any young girl her age ever should have been...
Defiantly, in a voice that is clear and grounded, as if his decision is the soundest thing he's ever spoken-]
I made it. I'm making it.
[Asher squeezes back.]
It's my choice.
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[JIN DON'T JUST SAY 'COOL' TO BAE POSSIBLY LEAVING HIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE TO STAY WITH YOU, YOU'RE RUINING IT]
Then I'm choosing to stick with you as long as I can. And after that if I can get the tech back home to work the way I want it. [says Jin with a crooked smile.] You okay with that?
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Uh-huh.
[Asher puffs out his cheek a little, taking this opportunity to pull Jin's arm to his side before resting his face on the other's shoulder. The gesture is a childish one, ill-fitting for a man of now twenty-six, but he does it anyway.
They have discussed this once before in the comfort of one of their bedrooms. The shaolin can hop from galaxy to galaxy much like ALASTAIR has, and while there is no reason to believe that his boyfriend will not make good on his promise, Asher begins to wonder if he is worth the trek.
Probably not, but again- He is selfish.]
I'm hungry.
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Good thing we've got a banquet to get back to.
[Beeyotch, please. He'd cross as many universes as it took, and then some, to stay by Asher's side.]
If you feel like going back, that is.
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Not if you let me eat in bed this time.
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Fine. Only 'cause we saved the multiverse.
[...]
No chips.
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[he's laughing, though, turning his cheek away so he can wrestle control back and get a real kiss in.
this thread is unsalvageable]
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