[Jin hadn't gotten the opportunity to reach for his magitek until now, when he's at the safehouse with the civilians he's helped pull out of the riots. As luck would have it, the second he finishes sending his earlier text to the network about the house is when Asher's messages come in, loud and clear.
All the worries he's been shelving for the sake of the people he'd rescued come rushing back. Jin shuts his eyes tight and breathes a sigh of thanks to the heavens, because Asher's alive and that's all that matters.
His reply comes a few seconds later.]
I tried to look for you but there were too many people Asher I'm sorry too
are you somewhere safe i can come get you its safe here
His heart is beating faster than he knew it ever could, the city is in shambles, and yet he feels it, what it safety really is. A man he cares for more than he could possibly describe in words is alive and well, and has managed to keep a few innocent people out of harm's way. There's that pleasant warmth in his chest again, although it's bittersweet this time, because he reads all those words in his friend's voice and does not know what he can say for sure.
Asher Millstone is a fool.
Because no matter how horrible the situation is, no matter how hopeless or dark or wretched, he believes.]
Where are you?
[He believes that good can come from all of this.
That everything will be fine, as long as they can be together.]
Do you remember the model homes we passed when we were coming back from that Chinese place?
[A week ago feels nearly like a distant memory after everything today has been. The composure in Asher's texts, the memory of that carefree dinner with a friend, it's all enough to anchor him back down. He'd be leaping out of his chair to drag Asher out of hell itself, otherwise.]
Found an unlocked house. No food or water but it's shelter and there's no infected anywhere. I led some civilians who were stuck in the riots here. I'm gonna need help taking them home.
[It's a mouthful (or a mindful). They have been separated for a very, very long several hours, after all. Just to be sure, he also messages Asher the house's address.]
Yeah, kinda! The ones with the white fences and hella tacky curtains, right?
[There's a reason he's sending the monk these messages via text.
Going slowly through what he has to say is for the best.]
It's a mess out there, buddy. I know you're swole n' all, but it's not a good idea for you to head back out when you're in a good place.
If you don't have food or water, I'm gonna see if I can pick anything up on the way. Don't worry, I'm not enough of a dumbass to try any of that shit on my own.
[Jin can learn about his brush with the infected later.]
I got a shiner on my ass, but other than that? I'm doin' fine.
[He smiles a little. Even over text, it's good to hear Asher's 'voice'.]
It's not for me, Asher, it's for them. Not everybody can make it back by themselves. We can't squat in this house forever... I am going to wait until things cool off to try anything.
Thanks. I won't try to bring them home alone either, I swear. [As much as he wants to, he owes Asher this honesty.]
On your ass, seriously? [that's so stupid asher please take care of yourself]
I got knocked around a little in the crowds but I'm fine. You know me.
Jin stares down into his magitek, mouth pulled into a tight frown. The words alone don't feel like they're enough; it all falls flat, and it's not a farce because they both mean every word they say to each other, but it's still not quite enough.
He doesn't debate on this. He switches to audio, even if it's stupid, even if one of the people he's babysitting here rounds the corner and sees the device and blows his whole cover.
Unfortunately, he's lost on what would actually be enough. There are so many things he wants to say to Asher, but none of them will settle properly in his throat, take hold and form themselves in his mouth.]
Hey, Asher, I--
[Jin breathes out in a sigh.]
Please, just... I can't l--
[Where does he even begin? Where can he even begin?]
[He takes a minute to compose himself before he answers.
Perhaps this is somewhat disingenuous; it's not as though he likes to lie. Composure is what Jin needs to hear right now, and so he'll do his best to fake it.]
[Jin may be hasty, impetuous, driven first by his heart over his head-- but he is not a liar.
Is it childish to want him here? Is it selfish? Asher could be safe somewhere else, but with the impossible weight of maybe still hanging between them, he can hardly stand to be deprived of seeing him, touching him--]
I wanted to hear your voice.
[And hearing him.]
Just texting you didn't feel right. That's it.
[Not if it could be the last thing he ever heard from Asher.]
[Asher is so unused to this kind of love that he panics without knowing why.
He has craved attention of this sort for so long. The deeply entrenched desire for unconditional regard is what has propelled him forward all this time, bumbling as he is. And yet, finally, he has been touched by the hand of someone who wants nothing more than his joy and self-improvement.
Looking deep within is hard because he finds himself ugly. Jin has somehow picked up the pieces of that mirror that was broken so long ago and has held it up to reveal a reflection that is getting easier to look at, even if it still makes him cringe.]
You just wanted to hear me talk?
[Not angry, just surprised.
As if he's never quite heard something like that before.]
[He's not like this. He loathes dancing around topics and having to pick through his words. He's good at it if he needs to be: a remnant of when he was obligated to hide his true intentions, as a thief, and before that, as a boy whose heart could never truly fit the mold of what his family desired him to be. But, gods, he hates walking on eggshells, and especially now, he can't stand keeping the thoughts that whirl within his mind from being voiced loud and clear.
Maybe they've been playing this game with each other for too long.]
I knew you weren't about to lie to me about whether you were okay or not, but it feels more real to me, actually hearing you talk.
[He pauses. He finds his words, and begins again quietly.]
...I don't know what I'd have done if anything happened to you out there.
[What is affection without the price you so often have to pay for it?
The confusion from earlier only gets worse and worse as Jin continues to express himself in a way that lacks any element of derision. There's no shame or embarrassment in the way the monk clearly admits that he cares for him, that he likes to hear him talk, when Asher is so used to people expressing the complete opposite.
He is stunned into silence when he realizes the thing that he has suspected is true.
Jin and him have shared more than just a living space in the past few weeks, including saliva. They've shared warmth and intimacy, and in the process of doing so, Jin has finally let someone into his heart.
And Asher has finally gotten the thing he's wanted most of all, more than recognition, more than perfect grades, more than money-]
Please, just...
[He wants more than anything to say, "I love you."
But what if he doesn't make it? What if Jin never hears him say those words to his face?
I will. [Jin smiles, though it tears at him, those words left unsaid.] I promise. It's gonna take way more than a two-bit zombie apocalypse to kill me.
[In the background of the call, there's the sound of a faint commotion: people talking amongst themselves, a child complaining. One even calls out to Jin directly, his voice steadily growing in volume as his footsteps signal his gradual approach.]
I have to go.
["Jin, there's still running water here! Wait, who are you talking t--"]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
All the worries he's been shelving for the sake of the people he'd rescued come rushing back. Jin shuts his eyes tight and breathes a sigh of thanks to the heavens, because Asher's alive and that's all that matters.
His reply comes a few seconds later.]
I tried to look for you but there were too many people Asher
I'm sorry too
are you somewhere safe
i can come get you
its safe here
no subject
[Safe.
His heart is beating faster than he knew it ever could, the city is in shambles, and yet he feels it, what it safety really is. A man he cares for more than he could possibly describe in words is alive and well, and has managed to keep a few innocent people out of harm's way. There's that pleasant warmth in his chest again, although it's bittersweet this time, because he reads all those words in his friend's voice and does not know what he can say for sure.
Asher Millstone is a fool.
Because no matter how horrible the situation is, no matter how hopeless or dark or wretched, he believes.]
Where are you?
[He believes that good can come from all of this.
That everything will be fine, as long as they can be together.]
no subject
[A week ago feels nearly like a distant memory after everything today has been. The composure in Asher's texts, the memory of that carefree dinner with a friend, it's all enough to anchor him back down. He'd be leaping out of his chair to drag Asher out of hell itself, otherwise.]
Found an unlocked house. No food or water but it's shelter and there's no infected anywhere. I led some civilians who were stuck in the riots here. I'm gonna need help taking them home.
[It's a mouthful (or a mindful). They have been separated for a very, very long several hours, after all. Just to be sure, he also messages Asher the house's address.]
Are you hurt???
I'm serious
I'll go to you.
no subject
[There's a reason he's sending the monk these messages via text.
Going slowly through what he has to say is for the best.]
It's a mess out there, buddy. I know you're swole n' all, but it's not a good idea for you to head back out when you're in a good place.
If you don't have food or water, I'm gonna see if I can pick anything up on the way. Don't worry, I'm not enough of a dumbass to try any of that shit on my own.
[Jin can learn about his brush with the infected later.]
I got a shiner on my ass, but other than that? I'm doin' fine.
What about you, tough guy?
[Did you get hurt?]
1/2
[He smiles a little. Even over text, it's good to hear Asher's 'voice'.]
It's not for me, Asher, it's for them. Not everybody can make it back by themselves. We can't squat in this house forever... I am going to wait until things cool off to try anything.
Thanks. I won't try to bring them home alone either, I swear. [As much as he wants to, he owes Asher this honesty.]
On your ass, seriously? [that's so stupid asher please take care of yourself]
I got knocked around a little in the crowds but I'm fine. You know me.
2/2 - audio
Jin stares down into his magitek, mouth pulled into a tight frown. The words alone don't feel like they're enough; it all falls flat, and it's not a farce because they both mean every word they say to each other, but it's still not quite enough.
He doesn't debate on this. He switches to audio, even if it's stupid, even if one of the people he's babysitting here rounds the corner and sees the device and blows his whole cover.
Unfortunately, he's lost on what would actually be enough. There are so many things he wants to say to Asher, but none of them will settle properly in his throat, take hold and form themselves in his mouth.]
Hey, Asher, I--
[Jin breathes out in a sigh.]
Please, just... I can't l--
[Where does he even begin? Where can he even begin?]
Just get here. Get to me safe. Okay?
1/2
Perhaps this is somewhat disingenuous; it's not as though he likes to lie. Composure is what Jin needs to hear right now, and so he'll do his best to fake it.]
2/2
[His voice is echoing a bit, and footsteps can be heard against the floor.
They stop.]
What's up?
[Calm and gentle as can be:]
Did somethin' happen?
no subject
[Jin may be hasty, impetuous, driven first by his heart over his head-- but he is not a liar.
Is it childish to want him here? Is it selfish? Asher could be safe somewhere else, but with the impossible weight of maybe still hanging between them, he can hardly stand to be deprived of seeing him, touching him--]
I wanted to hear your voice.
[And hearing him.]
Just texting you didn't feel right. That's it.
[Not if it could be the last thing he ever heard from Asher.]
no subject
He has craved attention of this sort for so long. The deeply entrenched desire for unconditional regard is what has propelled him forward all this time, bumbling as he is. And yet, finally, he has been touched by the hand of someone who wants nothing more than his joy and self-improvement.
Looking deep within is hard because he finds himself ugly. Jin has somehow picked up the pieces of that mirror that was broken so long ago and has held it up to reveal a reflection that is getting easier to look at, even if it still makes him cringe.]
You just wanted to hear me talk?
[Not angry, just surprised.
As if he's never quite heard something like that before.]
no subject
When you put it that way, it sounds dumb.
[He's not like this. He loathes dancing around topics and having to pick through his words. He's good at it if he needs to be: a remnant of when he was obligated to hide his true intentions, as a thief, and before that, as a boy whose heart could never truly fit the mold of what his family desired him to be. But, gods, he hates walking on eggshells, and especially now, he can't stand keeping the thoughts that whirl within his mind from being voiced loud and clear.
Maybe they've been playing this game with each other for too long.]
I knew you weren't about to lie to me about whether you were okay or not, but it feels more real to me, actually hearing you talk.
[He pauses. He finds his words, and begins again quietly.]
...I don't know what I'd have done if anything happened to you out there.
no subject
[What is affection without the price you so often have to pay for it?
The confusion from earlier only gets worse and worse as Jin continues to express himself in a way that lacks any element of derision. There's no shame or embarrassment in the way the monk clearly admits that he cares for him, that he likes to hear him talk, when Asher is so used to people expressing the complete opposite.
He is stunned into silence when he realizes the thing that he has suspected is true.
Jin and him have shared more than just a living space in the past few weeks, including saliva. They've shared warmth and intimacy, and in the process of doing so, Jin has finally let someone into his heart.
And Asher has finally gotten the thing he's wanted most of all, more than recognition, more than perfect grades, more than money-]
Please, just...
[He wants more than anything to say, "I love you."
But what if he doesn't make it? What if Jin never hears him say those words to his face?
No, no, no. That would be too cruel.]
Stay alive, okay?
no subject
[I love you too.]
I will. [Jin smiles, though it tears at him, those words left unsaid.] I promise. It's gonna take way more than a two-bit zombie apocalypse to kill me.
[In the background of the call, there's the sound of a faint commotion: people talking amongst themselves, a child complaining. One even calls out to Jin directly, his voice steadily growing in volume as his footsteps signal his gradual approach.]
I have to go.
["Jin, there's still running water here! Wait, who are you talking t--"]
I'll see you soon, Asher.
[With that, he cuts the call.]