[Too bad texts are based on thought. Jin's on the defensive, and before he can stop himself, he shoots back, frustrated:]
Because just MAYBE I have something to stand for now i spent too much time keeping how i felt a secret. I'm not going to do that to myself. Never again.
Strange alien worlds; bullet holes, treachery, bandits and blackmail; 4 am mornings running to meet the sunrise; canvas tents sunken into inches of snow. Asher may still have a hell of a lack of a brain to mouth filter, but the worst he has done, through all of this, was merely that. He's insisted time and time again on their friendship, and all of this, by now, is nearly more than the couple of months he'd been through with Cassie and Jacqui both. (It only isn't because he can remember watching the very heavens unfurl, stained crimson, into hell itself-- can remember the burning sky rolling back into itself, can still feel the weight of a god of thunder leaning on his shoulder and limping to his near-death to save the Earth.)
That's enough to have gained Kung Jin's trust entirely, isn't it?
Hopefully it'll be enough to have gained Asher's unconditional acceptance, too. Even if he knows it will, there's still that doubt that hangs in the pit of his gut over it. Achingly, uh, heterosexual texts like these don't exactly send the clearest message of how progressive Asher is or isn't.]
I'm in my room, Asher. I'd rather tell you in person.
[He may as well own up to speaking his own truth completely.
Jin hangs up, tosses his magitek to the edge of his bed, and lies back on the mattress, running a hand over his face.]
[He isn't sure what's going on exactly, but he's got a feeling it has something to do with Jin's well-kept secret.
A man with his fair share of horrible transgressions, the newest one still fresh in his mind, Asher doesn't really feel as though he has the right to judge. Jin may be tempestuous and fussy, but he's proved time and time again that he's fairly principled.
Forgiving a friend who's done wrong is much easier than doing the same for a stranger.
[Jin, by the time Asher's footsteps had sounded down the halls in Oska, was already on his feet-- he answers the door with only a moment's delay, stepping aside to allow Asher space to walk by.]
Did not think we'd be having this conversation because of that text, but... come in.
[As soon as Asher steps inside, Jin shuts the door tight.]
[Jin doesn't reply just yet, instead taking a seat on the edge of his bed and gesturing with a nod of his head to the spot beside him. (Really should've provided them chairs in the dorms, ALASTAIR, seriously.)
He waits, expectantly, for Asher to follow suit.]
Do you remember what I said to you back in Perdition's Rest?
When I told you about what was up with me when I was a kid.
[The memories of the time that Oska'd been under siege by the temporal insects are hazy. He remembers very little of what he'd said or done in all of that time, and yet he knows, for certain, that he wouldn't have owned up to anything about his sexuality that would've made that exact thread of logic obvious. Not even to Asher.]
I didn't tell you the whole reason that I ran away. It's-- it's something pretty personal, so I didn't know if I'd be able to tell you then. [If he could trust him with it, he means.
Anxious, Jin gnaws at his lower lip, looking away. He steels himself, then turns his eyes to Asher again:] It's not totally a secret-- a couple other people know on the team-- but I'm not going to yell it from the top of the castle, or anything, so keep this to yourself, okay?
[The admission feels like it takes a little of the wind out of him. How is he supposed to boil something so deep and integral to himself down to just a few sentences, mere words?]
There were a lot of other reasons for why I left when I did, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was... it was important to my family that I joined the Shaolin, but I didn't think that the monks would accept me because of that. I didn't think anyone would.
So I ran.
[Jin stabilizes himself with a slow breath. Telling someone about your identity's easy: explaining all the baggage isn't.]
I didn't like the person I was for a long time. I lied and I stole and I did what I had to do to get by while I was living on the streets. Because I was afraid. Now that I'm older... I make it a point to be as true to myself-- what I believe in-- as I can. I didn't spend all that time hating who I was born as to not give myself that freedom. So... yeah. I'm an ass sometimes. But I'm proud of who I am, and nobody gets to take that from me.
[Asher's face falls, not because feels anything vaguely negative regarding his friend's queerness, but because he realizes that what he's suspected is true.
They're practically lightyears apart.
All this time Asher had assumed that Jin's secret was something horrible, because that's the way it works, right? Everyone has done things they are not proud of, and Jin's silence regarding this particular aspect of himself was suspicious to say the least.
If he was jealous before, that sentiment is even stronger now. Jin is a good person.
God, that must be nice.]
Oh my god.
[He inhales sharply, laughing a little bit. Play it cool Millstone.]
So that's it? I thought it was gonna be something bad.
[It's like a great weight's been lifted, even if it is pretty anticlimactic. Jin shakes his head, laughing.
Nothing seems to have changed: Asher looks a little let down, oddly, but far from any possible worst case scenario he'd held in the back of his mind. What a relief.]
I was a professional thief. A tragic gay professional thief. You can do better than "that's it".
[Jin watches Asher do... whatever it is that he's doing, and while he's still pretty damn appalled by-- all of that, it's undeniably reassuring.
All of this is fairly standard levels of weird for Asher: really, nothing has changed Asher's opinion of him at all. His expression's somewhat exasperated, but the smile is still there.]
[Jin's confession may have come off as a bit of a surprise, however, when Asher looks back at their previous conversations everything begins to make sense.
In a way, even, it's a relief. That's one less hot guy to compete with for some alien poontang.]
No problem.
[Asher just wishes Jin had told him sooner.
And wonders, briefly, what that somewhat familiar warmth in his gut means. Friendship, right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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yeah ok, i say some dumb shit, but at least i own up 2 it
meanwhile, ur out here throwin shade at ppl who could literally kill ur ass
how is that any less stupid?
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Because just MAYBE I have something to stand for now
i spent too much time keeping how i felt a secret. I'm not going to do that to myself. Never again.
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most of the time it's like u just say things 2 piss ppl off
[Asher is reminded of that time when the bugs were running amuck in Oska, and Jin was clearly in a very fragile state of mind.
What is it that he wanted to stand up for?]
and u
dont talk about what it is that's rly botherin u
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No one asks and it's not like I'd bare my deep dark secrets to just anybody on this stupid team
I mean you're
[Damn. His mind's still moving too quickly for his words.]
Never mind
forget it
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[Asher's mode of thinking switches a bit.]
I'm your friend.
You can tell me.
voice -> action;
Strange alien worlds; bullet holes, treachery, bandits and blackmail; 4 am mornings running to meet the sunrise; canvas tents sunken into inches of snow. Asher may still have a hell of a lack of a brain to mouth filter, but the worst he has done, through all of this, was merely that. He's insisted time and time again on their friendship, and all of this, by now, is nearly more than the couple of months he'd been through with Cassie and Jacqui both. (It only isn't because he can remember watching the very heavens unfurl, stained crimson, into hell itself-- can remember the burning sky rolling back into itself, can still feel the weight of a god of thunder leaning on his shoulder and limping to his near-death to save the Earth.)
That's enough to have gained Kung Jin's trust entirely, isn't it?
Hopefully it'll be enough to have gained Asher's unconditional acceptance, too. Even if he knows it will, there's still that doubt that hangs in the pit of his gut over it. Achingly, uh, heterosexual texts like these don't exactly send the clearest message of how progressive Asher is or isn't.]
I'm in my room, Asher. I'd rather tell you in person.
[He may as well own up to speaking his own truth completely.
Jin hangs up, tosses his magitek to the edge of his bed, and lies back on the mattress, running a hand over his face.]
text -> action;
I'll be right over.
[He isn't sure what's going on exactly, but he's got a feeling it has something to do with Jin's well-kept secret.
A man with his fair share of horrible transgressions, the newest one still fresh in his mind, Asher doesn't really feel as though he has the right to judge. Jin may be tempestuous and fussy, but he's proved time and time again that he's fairly principled.
Forgiving a friend who's done wrong is much easier than doing the same for a stranger.
Asher knocks on the door.]
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[Jin, by the time Asher's footsteps had sounded down the halls in Oska, was already on his feet-- he answers the door with only a moment's delay, stepping aside to allow Asher space to walk by.]
Did not think we'd be having this conversation because of that text, but... come in.
[As soon as Asher steps inside, Jin shuts the door tight.]
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[Asher's reply is oddly quiet, and he steps past Jin and into the room, noticing how the other promptly slams the door shut.]
It's cool, bro.
[He understands that humor diffuses tension, but it's clear from the way he cuts to the chase that he's ready to dig a little deeper.]
What's up?
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He waits, expectantly, for Asher to follow suit.]
Do you remember what I said to you back in Perdition's Rest?
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After folding his hands in his lap and interlacing his fingers, he looks at the other quizzically.]
You're might wanna be more specific, bud.
[Because in case you haven't noticed, you talk to him a lot.]
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When I told you about what was up with me when I was a kid.
[The memories of the time that Oska'd been under siege by the temporal insects are hazy. He remembers very little of what he'd said or done in all of that time, and yet he knows, for certain, that he wouldn't have owned up to anything about his sexuality that would've made that exact thread of logic obvious. Not even to Asher.]
I didn't tell you the whole reason that I ran away. It's-- it's something pretty personal, so I didn't know if I'd be able to tell you then. [If he could trust him with it, he means.
Anxious, Jin gnaws at his lower lip, looking away. He steels himself, then turns his eyes to Asher again:] It's not totally a secret-- a couple other people know on the team-- but I'm not going to yell it from the top of the castle, or anything, so keep this to yourself, okay?
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Jin has other friends, of course...
But somehow Asher had made the mistake of assuming that he was the other's closest one.]
Okay.
[He shakes his head as if to ask yet another question, raising an eyebrow in the process.]
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[The admission feels like it takes a little of the wind out of him. How is he supposed to boil something so deep and integral to himself down to just a few sentences, mere words?]
There were a lot of other reasons for why I left when I did, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was... it was important to my family that I joined the Shaolin, but I didn't think that the monks would accept me because of that. I didn't think anyone would.
So I ran.
[Jin stabilizes himself with a slow breath. Telling someone about your identity's easy: explaining all the baggage isn't.]
I didn't like the person I was for a long time. I lied and I stole and I did what I had to do to get by while I was living on the streets. Because I was afraid. Now that I'm older... I make it a point to be as true to myself-- what I believe in-- as I can. I didn't spend all that time hating who I was born as to not give myself that freedom. So... yeah. I'm an ass sometimes. But I'm proud of who I am, and nobody gets to take that from me.
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They're practically lightyears apart.
All this time Asher had assumed that Jin's secret was something horrible, because that's the way it works, right? Everyone has done things they are not proud of, and Jin's silence regarding this particular aspect of himself was suspicious to say the least.
If he was jealous before, that sentiment is even stronger now. Jin is a good person.
God, that must be nice.]
Oh my god.
[He inhales sharply, laughing a little bit. Play it cool Millstone.]
So that's it? I thought it was gonna be something bad.
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[It's like a great weight's been lifted, even if it is pretty anticlimactic. Jin shakes his head, laughing.
Nothing seems to have changed: Asher looks a little let down, oddly, but far from any possible worst case scenario he'd held in the back of his mind. What a relief.]
I was a professional thief. A tragic gay professional thief. You can do better than "that's it".
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[Asher shoots Jin an incredulous glare.]
I thought you killed somebody.
[guess what ur classmates have been up to bucko]
It's totally chill. Who cares if you like getting it up the ass? I'm an equal opportunity bro.
[u don't have to b gay 4 that]
i almost spit my tea out in a best buy 1/??
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[there it is]
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[he is an idiot jin but he wants 2 let u kno that he is down with The Gays™ ok!!!]
If anybody gives you crap about being gay or whatever, I swear, I will not hesitate to hit a bitch.
So don't worry about being-
[he says while gesticulating wildly, dear lord was that a pelvic thrust]
Around me, okay? You're an awesome dude who happens to like other dudes. And...
I like you, so. We're good.
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All of this is fairly standard levels of weird for Asher: really, nothing has changed Asher's opinion of him at all. His expression's somewhat exasperated, but the smile is still there.]
Yeah. We're good.
Thank you, Asher.
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In a way, even, it's a relief. That's one less hot guy to compete with for some alien poontang.]
No problem.
[Asher just wishes Jin had told him sooner.
And wonders, briefly, what that somewhat familiar warmth in his gut means. Friendship, right?
That's what it's gotta be.]